10
Aug
09

Apologies. (part 1)

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I figure I owe you all something good since it’s been so long.  Much has happened- I hope I can do it a little justice. The images above are from a small journal I use to use back in college.  They’re new (the images I mean).  I sort of picked the journal thing back up after some recent events.  It’s less of a discipline and more like a drug…a good drug.

So about a year ago, we had a really busy summer in ministry at the church…oh yeah- I work at a church.  Teach the kids.  They teach me too.  So last summer we had a really busy ministry season.  It’s crazy how infrequently I was attending the actual church service.  (That’s not a good thing).  Aside from the conditions of my employment, many things were being compromised.  I would say the greatest of these things was my approach in communing with Jesus.

            Only two months ago did I realize this. 

            Here I was- Ten years into a church family.  I had established many friendships.  I had been on staff for…5 years now?  The volunteer team I lead (people who I have invested into- people who have invested into me), teach anywhere from 200- 300 children in a weekend.  I was married at this church.  I baptized my wife while at this church.  My two daughters were born into the relationships of this church.  Amazing job- much freedom.

 

It felt weird.  Wrong almost.

Something wasn’t right- Wife was great.  My kids- great.  My church…?

So I started talking to people.  I talked to my department team, I talked to my Dad, I talked to the Senior Pastor, I prayed to Jesus.  At its core, this thing felt like a discontentment.  Mostly with ministry- the glossiness of it.  Programs crept into the space where the Mystery used to be.  I became a critic. (an expert critic)- and I was justified too, because I worked there- I could say things and think things.  I had a list of reasons why the church had failed me.

I was at a fork- and was seriously considering what my life would look like in some other congregation.  And then God used the convicting voice of a friend to switch my perspective.  Somehow in the past year (maybe longer) my relationship with Jesus became very systematic.  I would go to church waiting for the pastor to get to the point.  After reading scripture the first time, reading it again seemed less important because I already “had the gist”.  I was seeking the period at the end of the sentence, but after all of the cliff notes and shortcuts, Jesus wasn’t there.

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7 Responses to “Apologies. (part 1)”


  1. August 11, 2009 at 7:49 am

    Oh, sweet Jesus! I love you, man! Thanks for not quitting on us – and that is meant in all of the ways it might me.

  2. 3 rerendered
    August 11, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    No. It doesn’t. Thank you Dale.

  3. 4 dave powell
    August 16, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    unless you’re saying that he mights you as in gives you power. or mites. or, hell, i don’t know. doesn’t anyone proffread their stuff before they post it?

  4. 5 dave powell
    August 16, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    that’s proofread – doesn’t anyone proofread, cause proffread’s not even a word now is it?

  5. 6 dave powell
    August 16, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    No. It’s not. Thank you Dave.

  6. 7 dave powell
    August 16, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    unless you’re saying that you have a professor read your thing before you post it. or, hell, i don’t know; it’s late. so good night.


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